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"How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself."
Publilius Syrus
Guilt is an emotion that causes one to become a person they are not. And guilt can be a constant companion and nemesis until one evolves. The manifestation of guilt as regret and despair robs one of their existences, their now, as one lives their life in the past – reliving decisions and experiences as if the next recollection of events would provide a different outcome. This is by definition a type of insanity. And as if to balance guilt, fantasies are created of justice and resolution and looked to in the future as a type of salvation. One can plan a course of action and await a set of events and decisions that would provide closure; and that by anyone’s definition would not change reality. So, the past and the future dominate one’s thoughts as the years, days and moments pass with feelings of agony and anticipation. There are few times when one’s troubles do not dominate the present, or moments that hope is absent; hope that is dependent on others understanding one’s pain and troubles of which no one seems to have control.
Reflecting on one’s experience realization sets in that at any given moment, if one were to have asked a question – a question that focused on the inventory of problems at that instance, two responses are appropriate. One is that a problem exists and one can’t affect any change at the time, so set the problem aside. And the other; a problem exists and an action can be made to resolve it, so take action. An inappropriate retort to the former question to not set aside the problem can deprive one of what is an opportunity to experience life and its intent. That experience is an out of control thought process that does nothing but consume one’s moments of Now with worrisome notions. The later would focus one’s attention on a task at hand, an opportunity to perform a corrective action, an appropriate utilization of talent and industry. One is a defining moment, the other a waste of time. This evolution raises one’s level of consciousness that Now is the most important time in one’s life. And there has never been a time when Now did not exist.
This evolution will take one from a perspective that death is a closed door - an end of the road so to speak - to a realization that it is simply a transition. One’s deep seated fear is that nothing awaits each of us on the other side; nothing in terms of what we know as reality. The ending of relationships and the erasing of important memories is a radical concept that troubles us. Whether the extremes are an eternity of singing and lounging in a lavish paradise or the complete cessation of consciousness neither provides a sense of security or accomplishment or peace. Death is simply the wiping away of the fog from a mirror to expose one’s true self - one’s true existence after a lifetime of props and staging.
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I have come from a place in my life where I sought peace by my actions to a place where I am at peace with my actions. From a place where I looked for things external to define me to a place where I define those things external. I have experienced an awakening that I Am, instead of trying to be. I am God’s greatest feeling – I am in fact, God feeling. I am God’s way of experiencing creation. And it is within that framework that the jurisdiction exists for my efforts in pursuing my passion of affecting change in the consciousness of those I encounter; to elevate their awareness of the spiritual and their responsibility to their highest calling. Guided by my thoughts; my soul’s instructions. And lead by my words; the interpretation of those instructions. I am then enabled to perform the necessary deeds and actions to facilitate change.
My newfound freedom has been a conversion from a concept that we are bodies with souls to the awareness that we are souls with bodies. And what makes us who we are survives the body. The energy that Is, continues and never diminishes – it transitions. And continues to exist in many lives; as we have lived before, we will live again.
I have learned that Revelation is a virtue. Revelation is being honest: Forthcoming with what is known and candid with what is not. Revelation is being responsible: Owning that which is done and accepting that which is not. Revelation is what we expect from those we trust; politicians, business associates, religious leaders, our partners and our doctors; and something we should expect from ourselves. The awakening of the need for Revelation - full and complete disclosure is the next revival of the human experience. This awakening will have as its evangelist one’s higher self – one’s soul. The ability and willingness to listen to our soul’s instruction will provide us direction as to what we should do – the soul’s intent. Only then can one stop living life and begin to create it.
These are the things I have learned from a life that has ceased to exist in a body but whose energy is strong and vibrant: My mother. And now, in the Now, at this moment, as I contemplate my problems, I am without worry or regret. For I am either fully capable of addressing what confronts me or I am not currently able to affect any change; but I am comfortable with both. I do not dwell on things of the past, nor do I wait for future promise of a better existence. Simply put, I am. And that best serves what I want to be - me, a living legacy of my Mother.